eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
