you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
