xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize