My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
