i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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