check it out our google latitudes are spooning
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize