He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
