i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
