it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
