I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
