nut hugger
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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