Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
