My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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