I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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