Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
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