That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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