I met the friendliest cop last night
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
