This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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