i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
you win again, gameday.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
