I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
