Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
