Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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