After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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