I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my liver is dry heaving
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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