Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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