does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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