I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just google imaged poop.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
