Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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