just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
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