We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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