Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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