Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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