I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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