I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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