remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
