He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You're a waste of cheezeits
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
