I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
