he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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