We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
