you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
