These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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