I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
