Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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