is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
