I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
