We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This is classic penis vs brain.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
dude. I can hear the air.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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