Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
