You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
