just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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