I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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