i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
