Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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