We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
