Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
