You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
