She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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