Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
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