Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
