Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
