I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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