i don't like sucking hair
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
