I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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