Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
