she was so not down for the gang bang
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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