get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
