Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize