sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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