what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
