my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
