In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
