I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
wow bdsm is so cute
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
