Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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