So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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