No stitches, just platelets and will power
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
