ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
from now on my penis is your penis
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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