I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I pour the whiskey from now on
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize