Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
