Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
